lazy

i copied and pasted the following cos couldnt be bothered to write it again i sent it to u michael z mario and the gomms by email

"its nippy today but blue sky and dry so quite pleasant indeed. i have my daffodil brooch ready for tomorrow and will buy mum and silv a bunch to celebrate st. david's day.

we celebrated jack's first birthday and oh what a joy. he is so cute and cuddly a right little character just wished we lived nearer to see him more often. silv has to go back to work as boss said she has used up her leave and he wont keep her job for her any longer. so we have all been looking for the best solution for little jack. at the moment the only choice is a creche and fortunately she has a lovely one not far from the house.

so this week jack has been going for a hour a day to see how he takes to it. so far so good.

mum and i wanted to take it in turns to look after him but it's impossible as we would have to be at silv's house at 7.30 am til 3.30pm and its just not feasible :-((((

as for me am still working from 9 to half 12 sometimes longer depending on what time simon and sonia come home from school.

simon is always out and i am trying v hard not to worry when he goes out at nights. it makes me laugh as during the week he is in bed by half 9 and when friday comes that's it he is out til 11 - 12 and saturday the same...i always try and stay up but i always fall asleep :-(((((

sonia went to her first disco party last week and a couple of mothers stopped me the day after telling me that when they went to pick up their children from the party they stopped to admire sonia leading the dancing.... i dont really know whether to be pleased or not!!

mark is working hard but despite having a heavy schedule when actually working he is more at home than ever before which doesnt help at all! when he is at home he doesnt like fuss and commotion but its impossible to keep a low profile ... for one i'm loud and untidy hahahaha add simon and sonia their mates and their goings on and of course scorpio the cat you can imagine its bedlam!!!
mum is fine - i manage to see her every day but wish i was freer to spend more time with her. "

i am absolutely shitting myself about simes going to strasbourg - doing my head in. he is so fussy and particular...what with his vaseline and box of tissues in the evening, his teeth and brace, his everything...,how on earth is he gonna cope with a new household ( and what kind of household ??? ) new people, what will his bed be like, what will the area be like....oh my gosh my throat goes dry it does....i cant wait for him to become more independent but the furthest he's been is como and that was a disaster the first year :-((((( oh woe's me oh woe's me.
over and out

what a week

how things change in a week.....tis friday and am as down as you can get...honest all going wrong ( not serious wrong just iffy wrong).

sony....she found out i went into her room. i was so careful i just did the real basics but her reaction was way out of context. i mean ffs...maybe she really has something to hide...what is it with her and this privacy thing. she wrote the most hateful texts and a hate letter and was so nasty, hurt, upset. i dont deserve this but i dont know wht to do. i am not in the wrong but feel i have let her down. what the fuck is one supposed to do. she didnt speak this morning but just before getting into school she said 'ciao ma' which is enough. i trudged to mums. am so full of my things i couldnt handle mum's 'superficial' chit chat. it took all my strength to not tell her to shut up and it certainly isnt mum's fault.......

hair a mess which doesnt help i got into work - ahhhh i had a dream about my boss who tried it on and i was so shocked and hurt that i left my job. awful.
simes at home cos has a nasty cough and yesterday we had the strasbourg meeting. ffs of all the kids going simes was going to share a room with a 16 yr old chin-pierced giant from his school....ma perchè??? why me? grgrgrgrg i had to ask the teachers to change him and i felt so inadequate and silly and thought to myself i simply am not strong enough to cope with all this.......

and to top this working week i not only wrote and confirmed the wrong agriturism but paula has not been in touch. weird and embarrassing.
nothing to smile about this week - i have found it hard going uphill and depressing and the w/e doesnt look any better.

jack started creche on monday - half hour i was with silv bless her - what a lass she is xxxx tues he did an hour wed an hour and a half as thurs and today two hours tho he cried today the love.

have slept badly all week and am just fed up. nothing absolutely nothing can make me smile today.

saturday....

well saturday dawned at 6 am thanks to husband's coughing and cat knocking down stuff from the ironing board as he leaped from the wardrobe onto the bed. ok i wasnt asleep anyway.
sony driving me bonkers with this side parting business hahahaha bless i got one too. am still not convinced about it but have received more compliments these last three days than i have received this last year.....
pos in bed for 48 hours with nasty cough - i just cant bring myself to be nice to him. i feel sorry for him he has noone to be with him noone who loves and cares for him. i mean that's what family is for yr parents yr siblings etc etc he has no one - i feel such a weight on my shoulders becasue of this. in fact its because of this that i havent left him....but why do i have to carry on jeopardising my happiness ???? what a fuking palaver.
i wrote to bill the start of my epilogue but had the fright of my life when i sent it as an email came back from the government where he works saying content of my email was not acceptable - shit now what??? does that mean someone has read it??? fuck fuck fuck....not that there are many secrets on it but still super personal things i have never told a soul and dont ask me why i wrote it to bill i just got carried away ( as usual silv would say ). strewth ruth hope i dont get myself or anyone in trouble!!!!
passed by mum this morning very sweet and she has romana and her mum popping in to see her. 3 gossipers and no doubt i will be the centre of their gossip.
sony has to go to arsini's house (dislike him and his parents) to finish off a project and from there go to claire's party (dislike her and her parents) at coast to coast of all fuking places ages away grrgrrggrrrrr
i have to go to termini now and look desperately for a sweatshirt and tshirt and this girl's present all for 55euro??? mah how i always find myself with never enough money beats me. i gave simes 25euro for mateo's present and mcdonalds but honest all so fucking expensive and having two youngsters with hectic social life simply working partime aint enough.
and i didnt get my blood tests done fuck
yesterday in gym i overdid it i think cos have discomfort right side under liver unless its liver.....ho hum ho hum
had slight smear yesterday weird as only 26 days ago i had my period....but no more smear yet and its almost midday...watch this space :-)))))))))))

how things change in two weeks.....

sum good sum bad....ten days ago mum felt a terrific pain in her knee and i died again . i was so scared andupset for her for me for us all. we got injections prescribed to dull the pain and see to the inflammation and yesterday after a v stressful week we had the orthopedic visit. went well mum and i had a laugh and it seems like a form of artrosi.....amazes me that summat so common can cause me and mum such stress and worry!!!! we have to do the risonanza magnetica next week to see for sure. the doc wasnt at all perturbed. mum has had enough of it all and wants to have her hair done asap.....v typical of mum!!!
valentine's day and i have received nowt from anyone hahahaahh however the day is long and u never know as long as he doesnt buy me fkn roses its ok. am not thinking of gwaelod half as much cs am having such fun with bill bryson hahahhah and you never know where the road will take you. its great to be able to daydream again.
no weight loss and a couple of bouts of that full indigestion feeling - havent drunk alcohol at all but every now and then do exaggerate with pizza and pastries and pasta hence the consequences.
on monday am off to doc to get a couple of prescriptions for mum and also will get my blood tests done and this time will follow up on them and take them to the doc immediately....they are bound to be a total mess and i do want to solve these dark circles...i look so much older than my young 42 years of age!!!
am having fantasies about meeting up and rampant sex and loads of laughter and no risk of getting prgnant...seems a bit too good to be true :-))) watch this space hahhaahah
i just got a valentine message v sweet and a virtual bunch of tulips hahahahaha oh the day is young and promising i think not - lunch with pos and mum and simes three little shits!! two big shits and a little one - no offence just sometimes its a bit much. i wish sony was coming but she said 'non c penso proprio' mahhh