this isnt living this is struggling honest am unhappy am tense am a nervous wreck i am so bogged down with worries and anxieties and am a mess.
mum thank goodness made it back in one piece - a bit worse for wear but great to see her coming out of the arrivals in a wheelchair smiling bless. she had lunch with me ieri and it was mega seeing her eating away at my table.
the kids were affectionate and huggy with her which is grand and even scor gave her attention hahahahhaah
mido came to fix sony's tapparella great huge improvement but gotta come back to put silicone tho i mght have a go myself......:-((((
sony wants this beagle at all costs....she has me under her thumb and i cant get out that's why i want to disappear without a trace. i cant handle her anymore eithr i get the bloody dog or i disappear.
what on earth am i gonna say to pos to convnce him and where on earth am i gonna get the money to pay for a dog.
am awake during the night cos of this.............
otoh why not? why not enjoy taking a dog out have a dog to keep me company etc etc
why fukn not????
mess mess mess am a total fkn mess
venerdì 30 aprile 2010
sabato 24 aprile 2010
total nervous wreck
mum shud arrive on tuesday but is so agitated bowt flight cos of vulcanic upheavel. i am so worried about it.
sony went to school today after 4 days off - am at wit's end
she'll never manage to recuperate :-((((((((
how can i possibly be so wrought and uptite :-((((((((
sony went to school today after 4 days off - am at wit's end
she'll never manage to recuperate :-((((((((
how can i possibly be so wrought and uptite :-((((((((
giovedì 22 aprile 2010
stress
stress in every single branch of my life.....am fed up pensive anxious nervy right pissed off.
however a very silly superficial thing had to write it. as i was cooking last night in a very good mood i was dont ask me why these songs came on one after another on vintage voxson radio:
brown girl in the ring
you're the best thing
pretty woman
one step beyond
i'll stand by you
no more lonely nights
ALL IN ONE GO!!!!!!!! isnt that totally utterly unbelievable. i honestly shook my head. i was gobsmacked and amazed. my all time favourite songs ( amongst others hahahah ) but each with a real significance to my past loves. i was totally flumoxed i was.
over and out xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
however a very silly superficial thing had to write it. as i was cooking last night in a very good mood i was dont ask me why these songs came on one after another on vintage voxson radio:
brown girl in the ring
you're the best thing
pretty woman
one step beyond
i'll stand by you
no more lonely nights
ALL IN ONE GO!!!!!!!! isnt that totally utterly unbelievable. i honestly shook my head. i was gobsmacked and amazed. my all time favourite songs ( amongst others hahahah ) but each with a real significance to my past loves. i was totally flumoxed i was.
over and out xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sabato 17 aprile 2010
cloudy nippy saturday
well any minute now the boss is arriving and to be honest i feel like leaving the office hahahah as have written my emails read the mail online looked up without success some old flames and am now thoroughly bored.
left simes at home tho pos woke us up ringing from tokyo - he's blocked there cos of this volcanic eruption in iceland. am relieved otoh oto i needed money to do some shopping and cant be bothered to queue in the post office to get money out. my card doesnt work so had to ask for a new one.
sonia didnt do a bit of homework and i had to write various giustifications or whatever they're called in english and i also have to go to the school to pick up her school report which i am not looking forward to!!!
mum in bristol v worried about this volcano business and being blocked at the airport.
simes had his hair cut yesterday. he took eleonora along for support. i like her she's always smiling and happy. i also like flavia pretty and seems educated.
am trying to get simes to lower the toilet seat after he has finished. pos never does it dirty bugger how uncouth how vulgar and totally insensitive he is. i hope i get it into simes cos its just one of those little things that puts him above the norm!!! gotta get simes to cook too as at 16 he's pretty hopeless around the house and that's my fault. however he regularly changes his bed and makes it every morning - better than a kick up the arse.
u should have seen jak yesterday....a little brown chestnut he was. gorgeous so sweet when he giggles and when he runs his little legs are the cutest thing ever. he is adorable and so bright. lems is amazing pointing things out teaching him talking in english.
left simes at home tho pos woke us up ringing from tokyo - he's blocked there cos of this volcanic eruption in iceland. am relieved otoh oto i needed money to do some shopping and cant be bothered to queue in the post office to get money out. my card doesnt work so had to ask for a new one.
sonia didnt do a bit of homework and i had to write various giustifications or whatever they're called in english and i also have to go to the school to pick up her school report which i am not looking forward to!!!
mum in bristol v worried about this volcano business and being blocked at the airport.
simes had his hair cut yesterday. he took eleonora along for support. i like her she's always smiling and happy. i also like flavia pretty and seems educated.
am trying to get simes to lower the toilet seat after he has finished. pos never does it dirty bugger how uncouth how vulgar and totally insensitive he is. i hope i get it into simes cos its just one of those little things that puts him above the norm!!! gotta get simes to cook too as at 16 he's pretty hopeless around the house and that's my fault. however he regularly changes his bed and makes it every morning - better than a kick up the arse.
u should have seen jak yesterday....a little brown chestnut he was. gorgeous so sweet when he giggles and when he runs his little legs are the cutest thing ever. he is adorable and so bright. lems is amazing pointing things out teaching him talking in english.
martedì 13 aprile 2010
amazing
...coincidence a month ago exactly i wrote my last blog!!!!
so much has happened we spent easter in the marche v nice trip too but jak came back unwell and twas a hard week v stressful and worrying for me and twin. i was ott with worry cos of my twin being ott with worry
mum left for bristol has found a flat ( on her second day there ) and has already bought the furniture but with no guarantee that the flat is hers......we will know on the 19th.
sony had her last school trip with her class. had mega time in capri sorrento amalfi. bought me a lemon hahahahha dont u just love it!!!!!
simes v busy full of gorgeous little ticks. i think he has a girlfriend cud be flavia. i met her couple of weeks ago. they get on v well but he insists not his girlfriend. he is submerged with homework tests and this bloomin new york thing. am a nervous wreck thinking about his new york thing. i so hope and pray it goes ahead as planned.
am bored to tears but so busy that how can i be bored.....???? i have no love life no nowt. i simply cant stand pos tho am civil and cook and clean for him. i dread any thought of intimacy cos wud have to be cruel and tell the truth. its so over my marriage i cant even cry about it :-(((((( cos its been over for ten years but the last two years have really erased any affection or regard left.
2000 i met n.1 and n.2 and for 2 months went out with them both then chose n. 2 for an affair which lasted from september til
august 2001
nov 2001 ew contacted me on friends united
july 2002 met up and started affair til
march 2004
october 2004 gw contacted me think on friends united
july 2005 met up and started affair til
march 2008
january 2009 pf contacted me on friends united
december 2009 no news from one day to the next
but it kept me going for a year i can tell u
and since december last year, almost 5 whole months nothing absolutely nothing. no attention no texts no emails just lousy poke from the odd acquaintance. nothing.........
i am still worthwhile still attractive still sexy not for long mind cos am full of aches and pains and signs of aging and there is absolutely no love in my life at all. am only 43 and a half tis really unjust. am not looking cos dont want an italian too complicated but honest a fling twice a year wouldnt hurt anyone wud it??????
so much has happened we spent easter in the marche v nice trip too but jak came back unwell and twas a hard week v stressful and worrying for me and twin. i was ott with worry cos of my twin being ott with worry
mum left for bristol has found a flat ( on her second day there ) and has already bought the furniture but with no guarantee that the flat is hers......we will know on the 19th.
sony had her last school trip with her class. had mega time in capri sorrento amalfi. bought me a lemon hahahahha dont u just love it!!!!!
simes v busy full of gorgeous little ticks. i think he has a girlfriend cud be flavia. i met her couple of weeks ago. they get on v well but he insists not his girlfriend. he is submerged with homework tests and this bloomin new york thing. am a nervous wreck thinking about his new york thing. i so hope and pray it goes ahead as planned.
am bored to tears but so busy that how can i be bored.....???? i have no love life no nowt. i simply cant stand pos tho am civil and cook and clean for him. i dread any thought of intimacy cos wud have to be cruel and tell the truth. its so over my marriage i cant even cry about it :-(((((( cos its been over for ten years but the last two years have really erased any affection or regard left.
2000 i met n.1 and n.2 and for 2 months went out with them both then chose n. 2 for an affair which lasted from september til
august 2001
nov 2001 ew contacted me on friends united
july 2002 met up and started affair til
march 2004
october 2004 gw contacted me think on friends united
july 2005 met up and started affair til
march 2008
january 2009 pf contacted me on friends united
december 2009 no news from one day to the next
but it kept me going for a year i can tell u
and since december last year, almost 5 whole months nothing absolutely nothing. no attention no texts no emails just lousy poke from the odd acquaintance. nothing.........
i am still worthwhile still attractive still sexy not for long mind cos am full of aches and pains and signs of aging and there is absolutely no love in my life at all. am only 43 and a half tis really unjust. am not looking cos dont want an italian too complicated but honest a fling twice a year wouldnt hurt anyone wud it??????
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