...rainy day in rome....

yeah well tis raining but i like it cos i just walk with my brolly up and over my head and contemplate the rain and its effect on the cobble stones as i get to work. 6 indians stopped me offering my a brolly....i wondered where they came from having seen 'the slum milionaire' yesterday and seeing the way they lived and what happens to orphans etc etc...anything is better than living in the slums so even living 10 in a room is better than that....however i had a brolly so just politely shook my head and walked on.
simes was 15 yesterday and cute has little hairs growing on his chin, spots galore and the brace but is quite handsome despite hahahahaha
sony is so funny and sweet and a pain in the neck hahahahaha adore them i do but sometimes wonder how good a job am doing cos both spoilt cheeky hyper and sometimes downright rude.
pos is unhappy and heavygoing....why cant he make the first move and offer to move out....i wont ask for much just the flat til the kids leave the roost then i will leave too and all he has to do is give them a helping hand with university or whatever they want to do in the future.
i worked out i need 1000 euros a month to pay the bills do the shopping and day to day living and that is really being careful and he earns at least triple that amount so could easily afford to rent a place.
i just wish he would understand how happy he could be living a life without us under his feet. i know that probably for him the most important thing is having a family despite that family not wanting him at all. the more negative he is the more we dont want him around. am running around in circles contradicting myself.
i have tried so hard to keep up appearances but the kids cant be fooled any longer and know perfectly i dont love him anymore. to be honest havent felt anything for him apart for pity and compassion for ten years. gosh what a load of shit having all this emotional baggage hanging around my head......
its the third day of 2009 and i wonder how things will change and improve in my life....the kids suffer cos i suffer and am not the happy-go-lucky person i used to be.........